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March/April 2006 | VOLUME 117, NO. 2

Twisted Titles

Hair may gray, eyesight weaken, and autumn heaves become but a distant memory, but frat-house humor will never die. "Lards of the Ring!" we thus entreat, "Shake your woolly haze, raise your incredible bulk, and send us your Twisted Title, forthwith!" Take a saying, title of a book, play, movie, or whatever, and change only one letter, then add a snappy tagline.

Lard of the Rings
Bilbo stops dieting.
Randy Stephenson ’85

The Incredible Bulk
Lou Ferrigno stops dieting.
Randy Stephenson ’85

Habeas Porpus
Free Willy!
Jerome Fishkin ’65 and Lindsay Kohut Slatter

Bar for the course
The 19th hole.
Chris Argentos

Debbie Does Callas
Adult movie star sings opera.
Wens Gerdyman, MBA ’97

Dove changes everything
Andrew Lloyd Webber’s skin once again becomes youthful.
Pam Effenbeck Clemensen ’63

Crassword puzzle
Obscene words only.
Chris Argentos

You want flies with that?
Drive-in dump..
Terry Zaccone ’61 and Judy Zaccone ’62

Clown molding
What you get with amateur carpentry.
David Hammer ’66

The Sierra Flub
Bush named honorary chairman.
Shalene White Hersh ’59

Cream of the crap
What the Emmy awards celebrate.
Ken Bartlett ’60

The Naked and the Dean
Grounds for dismissal.
Risa Nye ’77

Eats Shoots and Weaves
"I didn’t know they were fermented, Officer."
Eric Wallace ’62

Autumn heaves
School phobics return to classes and "decorate" the hallways.
Jim Hamill ’54

Sheep apnia
Insomniac’s fear factor.
Ron Berman '58

Cristie Henry

Word Nerd's Challenge

Pick a word, scramble the letters (leaving none out and adding none), reassemble them into a heretofore hidden meaning (added punctuation is permissible), and include the parenthetical just as you do in Twisted Titles.

Arnold Schwarzenegger
Grand czar, newsreel hog:
Before the governor’s honeymoon ended.
Ron Matejcek ’54

University of California at Berkeley
Yearly bear victories fuel faint oink:
Pigs are more devoted to rugby.
David Hammer ’66

Old Hangtown
"Want gold, hon?"
Connie Zelinsky (Corrigan) ’71

GAMES SUBMISSIONS: Please e-mail your submission with "Word Nerd" or "Twisted Title" in the subject line. You can also mail a hard copy to Games, California magazine, CAA, Alumni House, Berkeley, CA 94720-7520 or fax it to 510/642-6252.